“Hypnogog”

They call it Hypnagogia.

A doctor would describe Hypnagogia as “vivid dreamlike auditory, visual, or tactile sensations, which are often accompanied by sleep paralysis.”

But I’m not that cold.

Basically what that means is several times a week I get stuck between being asleep and awake. Sometimes for minutes. sometimes for hours, once for nearly a day.

The best way I can think of to describe it is that I’m fully conscious just as you are now but my subconscious is still in charge of what I see and what I hear. Which is where things can get fucked up.

Two years ago I was trying to get to sleep in my house in Cornwall when a man walked through the door of my bedroom and pinned me to my bed with an axe at my throat. This was the first time in my life I actually thought I was going to die.

When the axe hit my throat the lack of blood , pain or passing made me quickly realise that I was alone.

I don’t even have a door.

When I describe this to most people I think they assume im lying or exaggerating, but I have genuinely woken up fearing for my life on more than one occasion.

The ones who do believe me sympathise and say things like “that must be terrible” but it isn’t, it can be fantastic.

Sure when it first started happening (my mother assures me that this was when I stopped sharing a room with my brother) it was terrifying but now it’s getting to a stage where 9 times out of ten I am aware that I am in a hypnogogic state whether it’s through the sheer unlikeness of the situation or a lack of physical being when I approach the vision.

The one time out of ten that slips the net is where the situation is either believable or mundane. Two weeks ago I had been chatting to a house mate In my front room for half an hour before I realized that he was in another country and I was alone.

But the great part comes through an increased chance of being able to control my sleeping dreams. Most of my dreams because of this are episodic like a TV show, they just carry on night after night.

So there we have it, sometimes when I’m asleep I’m awake and sometimes when I’m awake I’m asleep. You get used to it.

Well…. Sort of.