“Press Conference”

God shuffled his feet.

“I have failed in my duties, do with me what you will and let my years of torment end, its time for a new lord and saviour, one of human ilk”

The deity stood ashamed, the reporter dead on the mark with her first question.

What was the question? I’m not sure, i arrived after it was spoken.

But that’s not important now.

Who do we choose as his replacement?

It was decided the best way for the world to choose a new lord and saviour would be by telephone vote with a live T.V results show (hosted by and and Dec). This would not only ensure the fairness of the vote (anyone was free to vote for anyone on earth) but it also made sure that those pesky third world countries didn’t have their say, after all, a starving mind cant be held responsible for such a decision.

I would vote for the man who delivers my post occasionally as he is never late, is smart in appearance and i like the cut of his jib.

To cut a long story short the votes were counted and god was announced the winner. This led to his eventual double murder suicide and we are now watched over by ant, dec and god.

Thank the lords.

On a separate note, the man who i voted for (who i now know to be called Ryan Gunshow) turned out to be a rapist. We would have had egg on our face if wed voted him in wouldnt we.

He came second and everything.

Speight was third.